I originally posted this to tumblr and it went over nicely, but as more and more developments piss me off I feel the need to expand it and put it someplace more permanent.

Some of you, even some of my best friends, disagree with most or all of the following list and still identify yourselves as "republicans" or "conservatives." I just have to ask…why? Why keep clinging to labels so inexorably entrenched in discrimination, willful ignorance and outrageous displays of villainy straight out of a derivative cartoon? The majority of so-called "right wing" Americans, including virtually all of those with any political or social power, very vocally hold at least one of the following sentiments. I've included links to a few, in case you start to doubt that real people could ever actually say things like these:

-The poor become poor and remain poor most often by their own ineptitude. [link]

-Helping the needy only enables them to parasitize the successful.

-Food stamps and welfare are a bigger cause of economic suffering than a war riddled with mistakes and failures.

-The American government should enforce laws according to what the Christian bible defines as right and wrong.

-Different races have their own genetically ingrained personality traits, and some of them are more violent than others.

-People immigrating to America in search of work are depriving people born in America of job opportunities and damaging the economy.

-Evolution is a lie perpetuated by scientists as an attack against spirituality, and is fraught with glaring errors that they gloss over to further their organized agenda.

-Evolution science was the basis of Nazism, which makes evolution untrue and the teaching of it malicious.

-The existence of a Global Warming phenomenon is still debatable.

-If Global Warming does exist, it has no possible connection to any human activity and efforts to counter it are a waste of money. (not an example, but here's a massive list of climate doubts debunked, with individual source links: [link] )

-The environment can recover easily enough that human activity does not need moderation.

-Most environmental legislation does nothing and was put in place solely to obstruct corporate progress.

-There are no valid reasons to conserve any wildlife that doesn't make an obvious profit for an industry.

-All business practices are justified if their financial success makes more jobs available.

-Wider, easier access to lethal weapons can lower crime rates and has done so in the past or for other countries. Tighter regulations on the ownership of weaponry has the opposite effect.

-A very large percentage of alleged rape victims are liars.

-Sometimes women are to blame for being raped due to their own conduct or style of dress.

-Rapists under some conditions cannot necessarily be held accountable for their "natural urges."

-Teenagers are less likely to engage in sexual activities if authority figures tell them not to.

-Teenagers are less likely to engage in sexual activities the less they understand the biological and medical facts surrounding them.

-Teenagers are less likely to engage in sexual activities the less access they have to condoms, birth control or other safety measures.

-Women who use birth control are whores, including women who use birth control to treat medical conditions unrelated to pregnancy. [link]

-Access to pornography creates more sexual crime in our society. [link]

-A young girl impregnated by a rapist should be forced to endure pregnancy and childbirth because it is a greater crime to terminate it early in development.

-Women in the military who are raped and impregnated on duty should have to pay for their own abortion [link]

-A person living in unrelenting, untreatable agony should be forced to continue suffering until anything other than euthanasia kills them.

-The existence of homosexuals practicing homosexuality is a form of harm inflicted upon the entire world, including themselves.

-Two people of the same sex can't truly love one another like a man and a woman, and may only feel convinced that they do because they're confused, mentally diseased, or contemptuous of the Christian god.

-Not persecuting homosexuals will allow their numbers to increase until civilization begins to crumble.

-It harms children for them to know what homosexuals are.

-Accepting homosexuality as a harmless lifestyle actually creates more homosexuals in an exponential cycle that could impede civilization itself.

-Homosexual practices perpetuate diseases.

-Homosexuals are more likely than heterosexuals to molest children.

-Homosexuals are unsuitable parents by way of being homosexuals.

-Homosexuals have a goal to create more homosexuals so they can control society.

-Anyone born one sex who identifies as another is doing so for sexual perversion.

-Men should act and look one way, women should act and look another way.

-The mainstream cultural definitions of gender are "natural" and those who defy them are "unnatural."

-A transexual is less of a person and should be rejected by a healthy society [link]

-Single parents are unfit to raise capable children and their numbers are cause for alarm.

-It is a form of abuse or neglect for a child to be raised by anything other than a married man and woman.

-The findings of the scientific community are influenced by a liberal bias among those who pursue scientific careers.

-Anything that disagrees with conservative policies can only possibly be biased and lying.

-The above views are unpopular because the media is secretly controlled by liberals, who disagree with these views for no good reason.


THE LIBERAL LIST?

When I originally posted this to tumblr, I got a number of responses that one could allegedly fill a similar list with outrageous left-wing views.

No, no you can't.

I have ASKED right-wing radicals to describe to me the worst "liberal" ideas they can think of, and absolutely none of them have ever been as blatantly harmful, selfish and malicious as anything I just listed, nor were any of them even COMMON among liberals.

The "right" is not one of two "sides" to America; it has simply become one very large niche group, dominated by a single rigid mindset, that has deliberately made itself the enemy of a thousand other ideologies making this country wonderful and diverse. Ideologies which they lump under the umbrella of "left wing." If you just don't hate homosexuals, a third or more of them consider you an un-American, liberal hippie.

It wasn't always like this, I know. Teddy Roosevelt was a conservative, and he gave us some of our earliest, strongest environmental policies and was a legitimate hero. Martin Luther King Junior was conservative, and if I need to tell you who that is I am going to punch you. Unfortunately, you're never going to wrench your party back from the maniacal savages who flocked to it in recent history. They already opened up the gates years ago and said "homophobes? Cool, come on in. White supremacists? Yeah, you're with friends now. What, you want to burn all the Mexicans? Well, as long as you vote red!"

If you would rather be a Roosevelt and a King than a Bush or a Limbaugh, I think you just need to spin off into your own party already. One with a better name, like, I don't know, COBRA SWORDS. Don't you want to be cobra swords? Instead of a red elephant, it can be a black shark. I know it's called the cobra swords but your animal can be a shark.

What is a shark, but nature's cobra sword?